i am utterly confused. my emotions are like the roller coaster. yuck. that was so cache, i almost puked even thinking and typing that phrase. anyway, i'm too damn pissed to think of a better way to describe how i feel right now. i'm feeling super demoralised and depressed about not finding one, when 'everyone claims' there are so many out there. does the problem lie with the resume, the qualifications, the time sent, the photo, pride or just a bad dose of good, old revenge from lady luck? as much as i want to take my time, i really don't have much time. not with people breathing down my neck about it. i honestly think i have more than enough things on mind than is already necessary. seriously, quit nagging if you all fucking dun have anything constructive to say. i don't need your grandma-style reminders and stupid comments. just bloody keep them to yourselves. i'm not trying to blame anyone for anything. just pointing out that it wouldn't hurt to at least have the decency to cut me some slack. maybe i should just auto-filter away what i deem as nonconstructive criticism, and take with me only the constructive bits. thank God for the select few who cares and really understands. they calm my nerves, lest i turn mental from tolerating all these unnecessary rattle. i get negative vibes and end up falling into a pit; someone comes along and brings me to the light, just so another can come and banish me to the bottom of the sea. see what i mean by 'roller coaster of emotions'. can't get any more rollercoaster-ish than that. then, there's God. no, again, i'm not blaming Him. i'm just very lost and confused about His plan for me. okay, u want to say, no one is clear of that either. yea, i know that. but...urgh. seriously!!!!! when i was beating myself up over my flaws that day, the message i got was "you are perfect as you are." - okay, fine. i understand. then the next day when i was feeling a tad confused. the message i got: God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed. - uh huh...i can live with that too. BUT, yesterday when i was busy searching, the message i got was: you've been driving yourself too hard lately. @_@ I mean HELLO?! EARTH TO HEAVEN, I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED BY THE SIGNS! ANYway...enough of this negativity for now i guess. i shall cast my worries and frustrations to the wind! (i try)