-_-" ziqin asked me 'eh, why u always complain on ur blog?' good question. because i've used up all other outlets of frustration & anger. nah. because i feel that if i rant to people, they'll feel annoyed / don't bother to listen / worse - act like they're listening. if i put it here, they can choose to read or not. don't like then don't read. simple.
nowadays my emotions really have a limited spectrum. they range from dead-tired to freaking peeved to bloody depressed. that's pretty much it. nothing else. 3 miserable scales. (The rest are just too short-lived to measure up). wth. dead-tired ~ from all the rushing of assignments & projects, severely deprived of sleep. freaking peeved ~ the stupid website is really testing my patience for web editing. i have NEVER ever done something that can seem SO simple yet require bloody stupidly insane amount of tedious work. PUI! ~!@#$%^&* bloody depressed ~ when i see where i'm stuck at, i really start to question my capabilities. can't seem to find a logical answer. lack of sleep getting to me? horrendous time management? lack of effort? drop in IQ? aging? you've got to be kidding me!
eF. i'm off to bed. tomorrow's another LONG & miserable day. maybe i shld just learn from some people - feign ignorance or simply can't be bothered. then maybe i just could escape from everything.
anyway, i was feeling rather lost after the talk with rey ytd, after he shared his atheistic views. coincidentally (alright, maybe not) and amazingly, today's sermon message kind of addressed my doubts and uncertainty. it talked about the theology of praying and why people do not pray. why people do not pray. 1) because they feel they do not need God. they can depend on themselves to resolve their own problems/issues. 2) because they feel that their prayers are deficient, not good enough. 3) because they are upset with the inconsistencies of prayer i.e. why does God not answer some prayers and allow bad things happen to good people. :X lol~ bubu was nodding constantly and giving me the "yeah lor" look. i know lahhh, i admit im guilty of all 3! :X *sniffs* and throughout the sermon i was listening very attentively even though the speaker quite chong hei one; i usually find his messages rather "challenging" to listen to. haha! but really, i think i should really just let things be. put in my best and just wait for the outcome. no point getting so worked up or upset about something thats totally beyond my control.
after church, rushed down to went to meet the poly/uni peepz at essential brew to celebrate yifang 美女's 21st! was really nice to see the other poly people again. man, really miss poly life! uni life really darn sucky =( seng kiat still the same; like monkey and clown liddat. totally nv changed much even though ppl officer in army liao. lol. i guess it's just really different when the guys wear the uniform, totally 'transform' into a professional. quite interested to know how they act/behave. sk say he dun smile much and people will be scared of him. to me, it's totally impossible to imagine him being serious la! haha! wonder how bubu act when he's in uniform oso. :X
love and i were supposed to go eat dim sum for breakfast. but in the end it became lunch 'cos both of us couldn't wake up. -_-" i woke up then nua in bed refuse to climb out in the end fell back to bed. anyway, we ended up trying the dim sum at da dong. aiyah, was alright only. bubu kept saying yan ge was better than hong xing when i said hong xing better. eh, i won't know man. only eaten at hong xing and really liked it but so pricey. i know where's the best dim sum la. Hong kong! lol ;x
we both had some random thoughts and talk about the future. not exactly very promising for a life scientist and a social scientist trying to survive or settle down. haha! sigh* seems like business is the only way to get me my dream house and car. =( was talking to pam on fri and we realised that nowadays it's a trend for ppl who get hitched to have buffet in place of banquets. wise people! save money! really doesn't make much sense to invite long lost relatives whom u nv ever spoke to b4 to ur wedding -.- haiz. whatever it is, the lack of money is just frustrating. the thought of foregoing short-term holiday trips for long-term plans is quite T_T but oh well....
a friend just msn me today asking me of my religion. =\ upsetting thing was when he tried to tell me abt his views. i know everyone's entitled to their views and opinion but urgh. it just can be so frustrating to talk to an athetist! i know he already tried not to offend me and i oso tried to keep things neutral but when he asked me certain questions that even i myself am not exactly certain about and am not satisfied with as well, it just becomes frustrating and upsetting. making me think like why do i even bother explaining if he chooses to think that way; he chooses his own outcome and he'll bear his own consequences, got nothing to do with me at all. i can choose NOT TO CARE but of course, i'm really not supposed to not care. :X bah. i guess i understand what bubu meant when he said that we must bear the criticisms, rejection and hurt....aiyo. but it can be so overbearing. hai. need grace!
Had combined cg.
played halli galli. super easy and 'brainless' game. every player given a stack of picture cards. at each round everyone reveals 1 of the cards they are holding. if there is any matching cards, the first one to ring the bell in the center of the table wins the stack of cards. The one with the most cards at the end wins.
later we switched to jungle speed. it works on the same principle as halli galli but u have to grab the funny looking wooden hourglass thingy in the center of the table. fwah. i'm super bad at quick reflexes game -_-" ~!@#$%^&* most of the time i'm like dreaming! lol~
after that we played zombies. mm, it's a rather long role-playing type of board game. objective of the game is to either get to the heli-pad safely or kill 25 zombies. every player's turn starts by drawing a picture card of the town. it may show a cross junction of the road or building like hospital then the player supposed to place it on the board and fill it with zombies. then keep rolling the dice to either defeat the zombies or move along the board. we didn't get to finish the game but guess what. love drew the helipad card and he almost finished the game bcos his character was like 3 spaces away from the helipad. so i decided to disturb bubu and used my power card to bring him right back to the town square (where we all started out), to get him as far away as possible from the helipad. :X Then bubu played a card which enabled him to move 10 spaces, reaching the helipad. but then another guy sabo-ed him with a card and made bubu move all the way to the other ulu end of town! lol.
bubu's character (a rock!) was originally at X position then got shifted to the position circled in green, at the ulu end of town~ lol bubu say we no like him. yeah lor! wahahahahha!
the helipad is indicated by the arrow. the grey figures are the zombies! super scary. infested with zombies~ someone thinks alice should be summoned. dot. dot.
=) bubu cut hair. no more currypok hair. for now. ;x lol~
thanks for staying up together with me and listening to me scold bloody hell and other miscellaneous curses. love u! ^_^
life IS a struggle. struggle to survive, struggle to get things done, struggle with human relationships. *sigh* sometimes really can't help but wonder why we have to struggle so much :(
was feeling extremely _____-ed (fill in the blank) up yesterday becos of the IT project. slept at 4 okay! Bloody hell! today i finished it at 3am. Freak. Really super duper time consuming. need divine intervention to stop me from exploding. =\ whoa. i foresee myself sulking like hell when i go to school for the next 2 weeks. nuuuu...
anyway last night was horrendous. eh, i think i should consider going for anger management therapy or maybe counsel for depression. really felt like shyt the whole night and even till i woke up this morning, up until i met love i still felt like shyt. refused to say anything except respond to love when he ask me something. zzz.
i feel like watching lars and the real girl. i dunno how to describe wad type of movie it is but i can say it's quite different from the mainstream shows. love classifies it as an art-house show. i'm not sure. hopefully can watch next thursday! =)
off to bed le. getting nudged by bubu alrdy.
seems that this blog might actually slowly become an outlet of my frustration instead of record of what's been happening in life. argh. i sure hope it doesn't end up that way. my very first blog at livejournal did, and everytime i read it (when i get too free and too bored) my heart just aches.
my rant for this week (and yes, i've repeated it to 6 people already) - i feel so dead. IT1001 project due 31st Oct; current progress: Content = incomplete = Oh shyt. Website = simple = Oh noes. Overall = CHUI. The week after next, stats written assignment, GEK poster, GEK assignment due. Progress: Nadah! SIAN. Worse is, people are already halfway through or starting to study for exams already. I'm still stuck with projects and lagging WAY behind. damnit! Hate those people! ~!@#$%^&* sigh. but it all boils down to me, my fault for letting it all snowball. i am simply hopeless at time management. :(
the fortune teller lady is back in singapore. she just sms-ed me today. anyone want their fortune told? though i still remember what she said to me 2 years ago, i guess it's time that i slowly step away from all this fortune telling and palm-reading etc. can't help but feel that they might tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies and also it tends to consume all of you. maybe it's just me ;x
Mm, sometimes i really wish i wasn't made the way i am. I'm not talking about physical appearances; i've long gotten over the countless 'Eh, you need to eat more' and how i look or dress already. I'm talking about the way i behave, react and speak. =\ Sometimes i really feel i jeopardize myself by being overly honest, outrightly frank and just basically don't know how to express gratitude and praises properly. that aspect in me is totally dysfunctional or perhaps not present at all! haha! People hate the way things are said to them frankly and straight in the face. -__- hai. That's why i think i should just keep my mouth shut sometimes. ;x Before i offend someone unknowingly and she/he starts to stab me in the back slowly but surely. I also don't possess the ability to act like i can stand or even enjoy the company of someone/people that i obviously dislike. I know some people can. I'm starting to wonder if this ability is innate. =\ If only i can conceal my behavior, just as long as i'm under the radar ;x
aiyah. darn. it's past 9pm already. wth. no more facebook-ing, no more blogging. time to get started on work. ah! i haven't even complained about the creep who's bothering me these few days. Yes, creep. Bubu just calls him an ass. I don't usually use the word 'creep' because so far no one has earned the 'honourary' title of being called one by me. Not until he proved himself worthy. Jeez. Tiny tiny side note: Why no one support me in the fighter's club ar? sho sad. T_T people don't like me. lol. bubu pick fight with me in the end he got 2 supporters, i only got one nia. bah. unfair. watch out, QCC, i'll definitely demand a rematch! =P
everytime i feel as though i'm drifting and lost, He will always drop subtle hints that He is around, watching, that he has never ever left. and never will. =)
caught resident evil - extinction with bubu and ling yesterday at vivo. hmm. i didn't watch the 2nd one though but i guess this has to be the better of the three. though the action sequences were not enough! it is totally NOT scary but it just keeps making your heart skip a beat. and guess what, OVER NOTHING. like a sudden sound, a sudden spark from a cable hanging loose etc. really stupid. lol. after every small sound that makes jump, we end up laughing at ourselves, or mostly at bubu. who kept cursing in hokkien cos his heart skipped a beat. LOL. plot wasn't too bad i guess.
whoa. no time le. need to go prepare to go out. can't wait to spend time with the girls today! yays!
I am a sleep-deprived, quick-tempered, impatient, worrisome and unhappy kiddo. =(
brain almost dead but there are still thoughts on my mind that i need to jot them down. (but actually i'm also on facebook lah. lol) anyway, here are some of the pictures that were supposed to be up.
At Sun & Moon
salmon belly sushi
my beef 'claypot rice'
sukiyaki
tofu cheesecake - okay, this IS the star. but it's really small ._. though me and peiyan shared it 'cos we were quite full from all the rice from the main dish.
Shot of the wood-bake pizza me and lurfu had at east coast. I didn't take any other pics 'cos i was busy eating ;x
love came over to science today after school and we took 10 down to suntec to eat gelare! gosh, the past few tuesdays that we had wanted to eat gelare all didn't happen because the holland v gelare closed down liao. ~!@#$%^&* anyway, here's what we had.
the 2 dishes at the side are the main courses. remind me never to order their main courses ever. expensive and taste absolutely ordinary. my veal sausage spaghetti was alright, but i chomped it down anyway 'cause i was too freaking hungry. lol. bubu's sausage dish was much better. i can't recall the dish name but the bread with the sauce was surprisingly quite nice =) And of course, the waffle! Aiyo. Finally get to eat! bunny is damn happy! got waffles and duckie too. what more to ask for ;x
Okay. This is rather amusing. Stumbled upon this 'Make a Baby' application on facebook. Went to add it to see how it works. Simple. Fill in your genetic profile, request to 'mate' with your friend/partner and it'll generate out a random baby boy/girl according to the features you put in. Hoho. So funny la. And and, you cannot change the way your 'randomly generated' baby looks. Seriously ah, the application sounds so 'wrong'. wahahahah! But anyway, love and i had fun dressing up our 2 kiddos. 
Bubu named the girl and filled in her profile (the reason why she has blue eyes and says nyu is because i specified the blue eyes. lol.) i named the boy. don't you think he reminds you of someone. the hair like currypok de? :X lol! Anyway, the difference in dressing. the daddy dressed the boy, the mommy dressed the girl. plain and simple is the mom's style. LOL. oh, big thank you pammie for being so sweet and sending them a pacifier. Haha!
Bah. Was trying to transfer photos from friendster to facebook and i stumbled upon my picture folders. Darn. I really miss my long hair. *cries* and it's also been rather long since me and bubu took a picture together. Oh well. Though i kinda of dun like the way my hair looks right now...very reluctant to take photo nowadays...Hope it faster grow back! T_T
sigh. i'm actually feeling rather demoralised. Why? Well...i'm just upset by how things are. Some people have all the brains. No notes during lecture, sleep through classes, they still score their As. Another group of people, who may not be that bright, but they sure a hell lot of effort and hence, they still see their As. Then where do i fall in? I'm the type that belongs to neither group. Not bright, not diligent enough either. Jeez. Why does God have to make us all so different from each other. Actually i already kind of know the answer, but just....haiz. Sometimes i just wish He didn't :X I'm starting to wonder what's my forte and why am i NOT concentrating on something i like. or at least in a field that i can tan wu jia (not that the field i'm in cannot tan jia; it's just not sufficient.) Mm. The solution? Employ people from the first group who will oversee ONE OF YOUR business as boss but of course you ultimately call the shots and get them to employ the second group of people as employees. You...shall brainstorm to get started on your OTHER business. Brillant suggestion from love. But oh well, gah. I guess for now i'm really stuck. Need to try and survive. Wonder what am i doing wrong. =(
wahahaha! after the stupid ~!@#$%^&*Molecular bio 40% CA on friday morning, the clique of 10 went to Sun & Moon at wheelock for dinner to let off the steam =) probably will upload the pictures another day. but hoho, we got lucky as we were given the VIP room and we sure turned the place upside down. lol. okay lah, not so 夸张. But really man, "gao luck", "tang hoon" and "鸟笼"? Roflol. super funny. without you all, uni life would be oh-so-dull. love you girls =)
on to my simple but fantastic saturday (imo). woke up at 11am, 'cause my mom bought satay beehoon from bukit merah~ wow! yummy stuff~ ate it happily, facebooked for abit and then i did something really piggyish...i went back to bed at ard 12.30pm. :X woke up at 2pm 'cause mom cooked her delicious fish porridge. eat-slp-eat. damn i'm spoilt. oh, that's not it. i'm just well taken care of =p after that i facebooked till 4plus (see what i mean by highly addicted -_-) then went to shower. love came over to pick me and we went to east coast for our buffet. couldn't find the place becos we made a wrong turn. (supposed to turn right but instead we walked left) but then later we made 2 right turns and ended up at the place, taking the longer route. the german sausages, wood-baked pizza and mashed potato was not bad, though not fantastic. the company and ambience was great though. hehe.
The bunny and the duck are both happy to have spent time together =). bunny+duck = buck & dunny? LOL!
Huh? Haha! The title totally doesn't make sense to what I'm gonna blog about. Anyway, was experiencing a bout(?) of spiritual dryness lately, till i felt better after today's service. I kind of needed reminding and i got reminded. At lunch, a brother shared his testimony which i had wanted to hear for some time already and he, being concerned and missed both me and bubu for 2 weeks (very long didn't see him le) was so happy when he found out about the news. i couldn't help but beam when he said so sincerely 'welcome to the family'. it was the same sincere, concerned enthusiasm as well as happiness seen when i told ling about it as well. =) i think only love didn't react this way >_> because i think he didn't react at all -_-" But then when i casually mentioned it to a friend, what he said made me question myself. The worse kind of doubt is really self-doubt. Sigh.
But yeah, i guess love is right. the friend was merely speaking from a non-believer pov and that his questions to me were not unjustifiable anyway. Never mind. I think i'll just have to take things real slow for now. I probably need the followup chun was talking about. I also probably need to stop being so hard on myself in searching for the answers to clear my own doubts.
met love after school at vivo on friday, we went to marche for dinner =) there was a long queue outside place and the weather was insanely warm. after awhile of waiting, they gave all the people waiting a small cup of drink - lemonade. nice =p anyway, we had our usual
Mushroom ragout with rostii
Fried calamari
Pork knuckle
and a cream of broccoli. (always forget to take a picture 'cause always finish it first -_-")
after that we walked around vivo, wanted to watch resident evil but only the midnight shows were left. went to toast box to grab a drink, ran into love's parents and younger bro. The kiddo said my hair look like coconut. T_T sad-ed!
saturday morning, bubu and i met at the west coast market and walked to west coast park mac for breakfast. Kind of like the mac there, ambience is great. But wow, didn't realised it was so crowded there on a saturday morning. after breakfast, came back to my place to watch this week's episode of heroes before lurfu went for backup singing.
@_@