my eyes are hurting right now. T_T maybe that's why my left eye is twitching. >_0 hmm. i want a new handphone! :/ this time, its gonna be a flip phone. was looking at the lines of samsung e900 or motorola k1. wait until the price fall fall fall until rock bottom then i buy. wahhahahahaha! -_-x tats gonna be dunno how many eons later. geez. need to get started on bio d, arbo really si. URGhhHhh....
people think we're immature. maybe we are :) maybe we're more immature than they'll ever know! O_O!
it's already thursday. wahhh...im so dead. -_-x why? 'cause been going out or spending time with love when i should be catching up with my books!!! URGH @_@ nOooooOoooo.... oh ya, need to remember to s/u my sociology mod. thx to lin, for reminding me :)
tuesday
went to school for consultation for my socio term paper. 2 to 2.5k words. oh my goodyness~ 救命啊! after that, met love who was waiting at AS1 for me. he ask me go see the pillar and i saw this 
LOL! *shakes head* geez. really bo wei gong. ha~ after that we went to buy laser printer and lug the printer back to dear's place. stayed there abit, met "jay 狗" then went home liao.
wednesday
dear came over to my place in the late morning after his yellow ribbon performance. he passed me "mun kei" and took a nap while i finished up on 1 chapter of chem ~_~ in the afternoon we went to new york x 2 (!!!) for a late lunch :D was starving when we reached there. we ordered spaghetti mushroom alfredo+half roast chicken, fried calamari and bacon and cheese burger. wah all tasted not bad lor! especially the burger. goodness man. it was simply heavenly. @_@ and hor, got free candy floss. then at first we didnt know, so love went to ask the waiter. then the waiter said it was free. so okay lor. then later the waiter came back with 2 sticks of candy floss. woot! nice sia, green apple flavour! then eat finish liao. another waitress came and smile at us, gave us another 2 stick of candy floss. lol! eat until teeth wanna drop liao! 
fried calamari with nice peanuty sauce :D
mushroom cream+roast chicken
the "pwnage" bacon+cheese burger. WooT!
after our late lunch, we walked around esplanade, walked until near marina south i think, walked here walked there. aiyo tiring -_-x haha but okay la, talked alot of crap and just basically spending time with each other :) 
nice flowers~
shot #1 - me looking gd but with a sleepy duckie lol~
shot #2 - duckie looks gd but not me :(
view of esplanade from the OTHER side of the water o.O
we had our dinner at crappy marina square food loft, after which we had dessert at swensens!! :D ordered topless 5 ~ 
scream for ice-cream!
someone trying to 耍帅 *pengz* lol~
no more le! :/
wah seh. very tired liao. blog this entry very long sia. tml then i continue lol~
woke up at 9plus this morning. love came and pick me up at almost 10am. we went to eat breakfast. had prawn mee at the clementi interchange coffeeshop. as my throat was feeling abit sore due to last night's 宫保田鸡, love took away my dry+chilli prawn mee and i gana force to eat his soupy prawn mee -_-x then headed for school. went to study at central library with yc, dan and jh. we got lucky, managed to find a discussion room all to ourselves. progress of studying was pathetatically slow. didnt realise i was so so so behind -_-x i only covered 1 and a half chapter. urghhhh...! then went to eat lunch at the deck. had yong tau fu, SOUP :/ (not i want de~_~ 被逼的 wahhahaha! :X ) after that went back to continue studying. at 6pm liddat we left the discussion room and cy gave us a lift to clementi. we had dinner and after that went clementi kbox. on the way to kbox, i saw 2 of my relatives. i dunno whether i should still consider them as relatives. anyway, they pretended they didnt see me, but yeah, i did exactly the same thing also. :/ when i was at kbox, i was feeling quite stoned and tired for some reason, so didnt sing much. but wah, they sang alot of old old jie lun songs, some of which..mmm..brings back memories haha~ we left kbox at around 10++, reached home at 11. watched grey's anatomy.
whoa. am feeling quite sian, 'cause tml need to go find tutor to discuss term paper. which is such a pain, 'cause i really totally clueless about how to do, start, collect info. URGH. i'm so so dead! and there is one other issue which, haiz. i dun even know the attitude to treat it. aiyah...HECK IT! got more important things to worry about. dun worry abt that first.
gonna try to learn this song. it's from 恶作剧之吻。 title is 遇到。some phrases seems quite appropiate in a way.
你身上专属的陌生味道
是我确认你存在的目标
不用来回张望了
知道今世我们相隔着一个街角
这么久了还是可以看到
感觉的到你对我的重要
不会被天黑天亮打扰
你每一次的温柔我都想炫耀
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我比谁都更明白你的重要
沉默久了我就决定了
决定了你的手我握了不会放掉
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我答应自己不再庸人自扰
因为我要的我自己知道
只要你的肩膀依然让我靠
was browsing around a friend's blog then stumbled onto another blog and saw this:
離開 人離了心不開,等待 等成迫不及待,不在 是現在不在 或永遠不再,越愛 越怕 墜落懸崖...
bah. my saturday just gone like that. -_-x anyway i went to bed after i typed the previous entry. i was so so so tired, i didnt even sms love before he left for m'asia for the weekend. kinda regret it now but there's nth i can do T_T i logged off msn, head hit the pillow nia KO-ed till 11am saturday morning. didnt have enough energy to wait for him to finish dota. :/ bleh.
anyway my day was really really slack. i slept, slept and slept. woke up at 12 plus, went to buy lunch. ate lunch, took out socio readings. sat on the bed and dozed off. woke up at 6pm. Oh my goodyness~ the time just poofed man. wad a big time-waster i am! EEK.
talked to meiyuan on msn. i finally got around to asking her the question that i have been DYING to ask, but kept forgetting -_-x and gosh, was i surprised at the answer. it's really....aiyo i dunno how to say man. it's no wonder she understood what i was going through the few weeks, but she handled the matter WAY better than me. But actually, hers wasnt really as complicated as mine la, but yea, there was that all too familiar similarity between her situation and mine. makes u really wonder whether was plain coincidence or whether she was 'meant' to share what she went through with me. ah. anyway, after my talk with her, it got me thinking about stuff which i have no answers to. it's quite odd in the sense that this whole thing is sort of making me question my beliefs. hmm...... i'll talk to him abt it when he gets back, which is one long day away~ *sigh*
woke up early to boil the potatoes. boiled them for abt an hour o.O chong came at 10++ with the scrambled eggs, bacon and mayo for the potato salad. woot. heng ar! i thought the potato too nua, in the end turned out fine :D so yay, we had potato salad, bacon n eggs for brunch.
potato salad :)
bacon
"BAH CHOR!" (minced meat) ROFLOL! ;x
i was 10minutes late for LSM pract. @_@ today was the plant pract. go to the 8 stations and examine the plant samples. wah. didnt know it could be so mentally draining. at the end of everything, my brain was full of terms like "sporophyte", "gametophyte", "sorus", "strobilus", "microsporangium", "megasporangium", "frond", "bryophyte" etc etc. HINZ AR! Really, seriously, don't ever take plants for granted!
pract class ended early. so went to meet chong at central forum to go to the yellow ribbon musical concert at expo. wah pengz. lol. he was overdressed for the concert! (or so i thought) anyway the concert was (surprisingly) great! songs chosen were appropiate and showcased most of the songs written by the inmates or ex-offenders. oh my. they can REALLY sing. kinda makes the professionals fade into the background somehow. wahahah.some act cute pictures taken on mrt on the way back from expo ;x 
Shot #1
Shot #2
recess week is here. please please please lock the procrastinator in me up, so that she will not mess with my mind and prevent me from doing my work.
i havent been updating. it's not that nothing's been up; it's really pretty much the opposite. but well. haiz. i really didnt want to complicate things, but they just turned out this way, how was i even to know or do anything about it? -_-x no one wants to save me from the drama, i cant save myself from it either. whatever my actions, someone is bound to get hurt. and i seriously dont want to hurt anyone anymore than i already did. yet, until i find a solution to this, the whole vicious cycle of hurt is going to continue. maybe, it's time i seek shelter from Him.
im tired, uncertain and thinking of too much things for my own good. goodness! i wish i could just concentrate on my work! i'm lacking so so so far behind already. crap! pek chek. the things people are telling me with regards to my decision. i know now it's no longer about right or wrong. it's more out of concern of my welfare. should i listen? i dunno what to do now. argh. kill me la.
was feeling miserable last nite. slept at 6am this morning, no thanks to a long & saddening phonecall. woke up at 10+ this morning. sms-ed ziqin then i fell back to sleep. mom rang me at 11+. i woke up, got ready to go out and gave ziqin a call. we talked alittle. then i left to go meet mom at tanjong pagar.
i listened to my mp3 player. shuffled the songs. first song - 退后. okay, fine. second song - 假装. -_-x nvm. third song - 借口. 太巧了吧. why all the 2 letter songs and ... hai. was it some sign or just mere coincidence? but anyway, when i reached tanjong pagar. received "great" news. what a day. wanted to go eat lor mee at amoy street. BUT -_-x" it was closed for the day. eek. super sway. sigh. so bo bian, we both walked to hong lim market. mom had pork rib rice while i had kway chap :D after that walked around to buy some groceries. then mom wanted to go see shoes. so okay, go see. wah seh. suddenly alot of slippers and shoes caught my eyes @_@ tried lots of them but set my eyes on like 6 pairs :X haha! but it's okay la, i narrowed down to 3 pairs and later bought 2 pairs. i really wanted to buy the 3rd pair BUT the heels were 2inches. tian ar. if it were flats i would've bought it :X cos it was really nice ~_~ but then again, if i bought and wear it, i wont be able to walk with it lol! so bahh...had to let it go T-T mom only bought one pair of shoes. we got another white bag :D and a tea set (?) then i carried the bags of shopping. had trouble walking properly. then mom said "Wah, from the outside, looks like im the depressed one huh?" -_-x thanx ar, i feeling moody n sad le i volunteer to carry all the shopping bags and u liddat say me T_T lol~
reached home, picked up 2 calls. the first msn msg that i received really touched my heart. because it came from a good friend and was someone who didnt take any sides. i've been hearing so so so many negative feedback about this, and i know what going on in people's minds but seriously, there's nothing i can do to change the way they think. I know the way i handled this matter sucked like hell. And apparently, few bother to really listen to my side of the story because i didnt bother to tell much people about it anyway. it's okay. never mind. it doesnt really matter. i made my decision. what others think of me, what they want to say about me, i really have no control over. so be it.
on another note, simply cant believe week 6 of the first semester is almost here! oH nOEs~ seems like only yesterday that i had just stepped into the grounds of nus o.O and the day before that i was still (wishfully) thinking what it would be like to study in nus. wow. my 1st real tests are on 4th oct - Bio D & 12 oct - Biostats. time doesnt fly. it SPEEDS and DISAPPEARS. ):
i know i've let alot of people dear to me down. im sincerely sorry, but i know no matter what i say, the damage is/was already done. i was irresponsible about my actions. but i just cant help it that my heart is speaking so much louder than anything else. i did absolutely nothing the whole day, didnt have the mood to. i just slept my day away. i read through my old livejournal, blurty and the archives of this blog. and i found this from my blurty:
SCORPIO WOMAN
>
>
> A simple woman who always show what kind of moods
> she is in. You can tell
> right way if she upset, or if she is flirting with
> you. She displays
> herself with her act much more than trying to say it
> for it's in her
> character.
>
> A Scorpio woman has her own mysterious personality.
> She is confident and
> deep down inside she is quite proud of herself. She
> hates to think she is
> borne a woman and so limiting her with a certain
> social acceptable rules.
> She is a real woman and despite her innocent and
> childish looks, she has a
> spirit of free soul. Many men will make mistake if
> they think she is a good
> follower, they are wrong.
>
> She thinks being a plain simple housewife is boring.
> She likes to have power
> and control over other people, but this will be only
> her secret, so you will
> only see a cute woman. Every things she does will
> look good, and she has all
> the woman's trick you can think of. She can
> manipulate men without they
> knowing it.
>
> If you think she's going to do everything you say
> because she loves you, then
> you will be disappointed. She could be a little
> tomboyish and she can
> understand you by just looking in your eyes. You may
> say sweet words which
> could sweep any woman, but not with the Scorpio
> woman. She will use her
> X-ray eyes to read your thoughts about what you just
> said or what you are going
> to say. She always smile and she can really hide her
> feeling.
>
> She will constantly show you that she loves freedom.
> If she has freedom, she
> will not leave you, but will even love you more. If
> she wants something, she
> will do everything to get it. She has her own sixth
> sense of people and you
> can feel that energy feed back when you around her.
> She likes a man who can
> earn her respect, and she will also respect and feel
> proud of that man. A
> man with power over her should not threat or
> challenge her confidence. She
> likes to have a good looking , strong and healthy
> man especially if she
> start to compare with her friends' boyfriends. It is
> a plus if he hold a
> degree or a good career.
>
> She is a hot lady. She likes heavy music. She either
> loves or hates, there
> are no "fond of", or "like" for her. Love has no
> "may be", or "perhaps". If
> she is real mad, she will trash and throw things.
> Her wind storm can sweep
> all her dishes and you could get accidentally hit on
> your head for this
> matter. Be calm, it is just your grand mother
> favorite china for she has
> good quality as much as her bad temper.
>
> Sometimes she shows her weakness, but it won't be
> long. She will put herself
> together and back to be that hot chili again. If she
> loves you, it will be
> no matter what other people may say. Her
> relationship will be more important
> than what is right or wrong. Because of this reason,
> you may know some
> Scorpio woman become a second wife, a mistress.
>
> She is spoilt, but she allows her love one to over
> power her. Dating this
> woman, you should not keep old love letters in your
> pocket or in your house.
> It could be a love letter 2 years ago, but never
> mind she will argue about
> this since this is a big deal for a suspicious
> woman. Remember she has a
> temper of the shrew.
>
> If you play a cold war with her, she will treat you
> likewise and double it.
> If you stood her up once, she will stood you up 2-3
> times. She is quite fair
> in justice, so she can accept your apologies as much
> as she can pretend to
> accept things for now and wait for a pay back
> revenge in the future. If you
> are nice to hear, she will double that to you as
> well. A real fair woman.
>
> She likes to make and spend money. She likes to have
> fame and reputations,
> and never let herself broke and have no name at the
> same time. She is too
> proud and will not accept status of being "Poor".
> She loves to have face, so
> if you are a manager with small salary, she will be
> proud more than more
> money being a truck driver. She hates to think and
> she cannot stand a
> feeling of being a "Nobody".
>
> If you like her, play a little hard to get. This
> will excite her a bit. When
> you go out on a date, set your schedule, but do not
> let she knows that you
> have planned this for weeks. Always go to pick her
> up on time or better to
> go 5-10 minutes early.
last nite was a nightmare. if not, it was hell-ish. it was like history repeating itself, 'cept in a more serious, devastating way carrying with it even more dire consequences. or maybe it was the bad karma, that had finally caught up with me. whatever it is, my indecisiveness, me being an irresponsible, immature and self-centered brat, with one queer perception of relationships have yet again caused 2 other people to get hurt. *experiencing the writers' block, so many things racing through my mind, yet i cant pen them down*
11:56am jp just said this to me : Girls will always be girls, will never get devoted. I thought you're different, but you're also the same. haha~
11:57 bo wei gong. dont know how to reply him.
11:58 he says sorry.
haiz. maybe someone should just come and slap me awake. maybe the pain will make me wake up. what am i thinking, more importantly, what am i going to do and what do i really want. i dont even have proper answers for the latter. the heart knows what it wants but the brain is thinking of something else. they are not agreeing with each other @_@
gonna go get lunch. and walk in the rain/storm. be back later.
haha, dont really know what to say to you. just that i'm really thankful, relieved and in a way, enlightened by what you said. it's really about time that i start to think more of my future and start to plan and work towards it. geez. really made me realised im really not young anymore. the quarterlife crisis is indeed hitting all of us, whether we like it or not. 救命啊~ also, im glad in a way, that i finally truly understand what went wrong between us, though it still doesnt change the way things are now. :X and one last thing...i dont want to be 小鸟!!!
have some faith in me, okay? and have some MORE confidence in yourself as well :P
i've kinda stopped blogging ever since that thing happened. u, on the other hand, blogged again after more than 3 years of leaving ur blog to rot. what an irony. all of sudden, u want to record down what u did days after that, as for me, i just simply didnt know how to put to words what i had gone thru. there are really ZILLIONS of things i wanna say. but i just cant get myself to blog them. not becos i didnt want to record them, but there are things that cant be known yet, not right now. perhaps in the near future.
tired. slow. antisocial. indecisive. promise i will update when im free :)
havent been updating for the past week. have been busy with life =) but this weekend, i MUST really get some work done. been slacking for the past 2 weeks liao, slack somemore and i'm dead meat. so what has been up this past week? hmm. well, for one, i've been thinking alot lately. To the extent of stoning during lectures, while walking to lectures/practicals, on the bus or when i'm alone. 心不在焉...
went to holland v after sch today. had early dinner with amanda and elayna at nydc. after that ziqin came and find us. then she wanted to eat crystal jade, so i went in crystal jade to snack again :X after that we met the rest of the girls (yuting, yifang, peiyan, amanda and elayna) who were already waiting outside wala x2. the waiter said we were on waiting list. DANG. sian diao lor. EVERYTIME LIKE THIS DE! :( anyway we got quite peeved. haiz. so we went to next door to harry's@holland v. four of us (me, ziqin, elayna & amanda) went in first, while the rest go and grab dinner. since it was happy hour still, we all faster order drinks lol. and so we tried the various drinks and chatted. heh. the atmosphere was nt bad, but we were the youngest there la, the whole place full of angmohs and ahpeks lol. anyway pam came to join us right before happy hour ended :P so all 5 of us called 2 drinks each haha. then later the rest of the girls came. worse thing was, the place we were seated at was cramp. and not ENOUGH CHAIRS. OMG. in the end 8 people shared like 5 chairs? -_-" pathetatic. soon after, there was 2 people (a girl & a guy) singing & playing guitar. woo. the girl quite pretty, the guy quite shuai oso. lol. then after that spotted a shuai angmoh guy talking to the girl who had served us drinks earlier. woot. haha. oh ya, we talked abt ghost stories, camp experiences and how 'UNsafe' our current chem & microbio labs are. O.O why unsafe? because hor, during chem lab, got no gloves in sight 1. OMG! cant find the gloves anywhere 1 lor. how can tat be! weird, but i dunno why lor. zzz 害我的手 gana 2M NaOH lor. then i panic sia, kept washing with tap water -_-x imagine if it was Conc HCl. I think fainted liao x.x the hand 烂掉了~ then the microbio lab session today at MD Lab oso. NO GLOVES PROVIDED AT EACH BENCH 1. wah sai. handling all the bacteria and ppl nv use glove? WAH LAO EH. so i bth. i went to ask where to get glove. lol. mai siao siao. bacteria leh!
anyway later they ordered more drinks x.x and yifang had a flaming lamborghini. woo. haha... she said it tasted like colgate lol. haha! so in total we had like 15 drinks? 8 girls 15 drinks. they earn till siao @_@ anyway, it was fun la~ :P
mom told me something that pissed me off. she was relating a unexpected phone call she received today. to me, it was a totally UNWELCOMED PHONECALL. kns lor. u really cant believe the nerves some people have. she was just telling me how she felt abt it, then i told her to just disregard what the caller said. to put simply, why bother? heck care lah! since ppl dun treat u like u exist, why bother treating them nice? what for? not worth it man! anyway i got quite angry over this, until chee hwee msged something that made me laugh. lol. he just got back from devils and he fell from the podium. LOL. poor thing right? dance dance dance suddenly lost balance and fell down. haha~